How NOT to Do Film Parodies: A Not-so-loving Look at Aaron Seltzer's <em>Date Movie</em>

Ever since the Zucker-Abrahams-Zucker team took a 1950s aircraft-in-peril movie titled Zero Hour and skewered its melodramatic excesses in the now-classic Airplane!, the "film parody" sub-genre of comedy films has spawned hit-and-miss efforts that encompass all kinds of Hollywood genres...action-adventure (Hot Shots!)...spy/war movies (Top Secret!)...teen sex comedies (Not Another Teen Movie)...and horror shlockers (Dracula: Dead and Loving It, Scary Movie 1-3).

Most of these parodies follow the same formula: take familiar character types and situations from the genre you are lampooning, cast popular and semi-popular actors to draw in viewers, then make as many visual or situational references to big films in the above-mentioned genre, adding as many ridiculous touches as you possibly can.

In an ideal situation, as in Airplane! or the older Blazing Saddles and Young Frankenstein, the trick is to have the actors play the roles as straight and seriously as possible while adding the funny dialogue or hilarious visual joke. The juxtaposition of the dry performances and the humorous detail is what makes a film parody work.

Unfortunately, the current batch of supposedly "loving comic tributes" to formula films (including the Scary Movies) tends to focus excessively on the jokes without even asking for performances from the actors. Instead of taking their cues from the ZAZ team or even Mel Brooks and telling the cast to not let audiences know that they are in on the jokes, Jason Friedman and Aaron Seltzer allow Allyson Hannigan, Adam Campbell, Sophie Monk, and their cast-mates to mug, wink-and-nod, and practically shout to the viewer, "Hey, we are making fun of My Big Fat Greek Wedding, Bridget Jones' Diary, Napoleon Dynamite, Shallow Hal, Wedding Crashers, Hitch, When Harry Met Sally, The Bachelor, and even Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith!"

The plot, if you want to call it that, centers on Julia Jones (Hannigan), a seriously overweight girl who falls for the handsome Grant Fockyerdoder (Campbell) when he stops for coffee at her parents' Greek restaurant. In a mish-mash of story points cribbed from Hitch, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, and every mediocre to bad romantic comedy ever made, Julia gets an extreme makeover in what looks like an auto paint and body shop and becomes a sexy slinky "babe" who, after getting engaged to Grant, meets his parents (a wasted Fred Willard and Jennifer Coolidge) and has to contend with his almost-ready-for-porn-movies ex-fiancee Andy (Monk). 

And as viewers of any of the quickly disposable romantic comedies being "skewered" here can tell you, hilarity supposedly arises from a series of misunderstandings, comedic errors, and stereotypical situations where everything goes as predicted no matter what.

Grant Funkyerdoder: [voice-over reading his message to Julia] If you still love me the way I love you, meet me where Meg Ryan met Tom Hanks.
Julia Jones: On the Internet?
Grant Funkyerdoder: [still in voice-over] No, not in "You've Got Mail," in "Sleepless in Seattle."

However, director Seltzer makes the fatal error of focusing way too much on the visual jokes and references to other films and not on the actors' performances. He just takes entire sequences from other films and plops them into Date Movie willy-nilly, without taking any creative risks and adding more bite or naughtiness to them. It's as though he and his writing partner Friedman want to go for easy and cheap laughs without taking any chances.

He also has no, repeat, no sense of comedic timing. In a bit supposedly inspired by Bruce Almighty and There's Something About Mary, the viewer is forced to endure an overly long vignette involving Jinxler the Cat and a toilet. Had it been a quick-and-dirty sort of thing, it might have been funny. However, Seltzer lingers lovingly on this rather off-putting bit for over two minutes of running time.

As much as I enjoy a silly comedy every now and then (Thou shalt not live on action-adventure alone is my moviegoer's motto), and as much as I love even an admittedly in-your-face "stupid humor" film, I'm not amused by most of Date Movie. It's a waste of even Carmen Electra's rather limited talent, and it's waste of time and money.

Alyson Hannigan .... Julia Jones
Adam Campbell .... Grant Fockyerdoder
Sophie Monk .... Andy
Eddie Griffin .... Frank Jones
Meera Simhan .... Linda Jones
Fred Willard .... Bernie Fockyerdoder
Jennifer Coolidge .... Roz Fockyerdoder
Marie Matiko .... Betty
Judah Friedlander .... Nicky
Carmen Electra .... Anne
Tony Cox .... Hitch
Mauricio Sanchez .... Eduardo/Housekeeper
Beverly Polcyn .... Old Cart Woman
Valery M. Ortiz .... Jell-O
Charlie Dell .... Justice of the Peace

Recommended:
No

Enjoy an Art Museum, Docent Tour, and Lunch in a Day Trip

It is an excuse for a tasty lunch. We justify the true goal of the day, trying a new (to us) restaurant, with the appearance of culture. Living in the suburbs of Dallas, it is not a huge ordeal to trek into the city and enjoy the resources available to us. Even better, we will share a simple stress free outing with you.

Sleep in on a Saturday morning, since the Dallas Museum of Art does not open until eleven. Knowing a decent lunch awaits, we curtail our breakfast bounty and read the paper curled around a bowl of cereal. It is a gorgeous clear, sunny day with a hint of fall in the air. Dressed in sturdy walking shoes and casual wear, we drive the twenty miles into the city. Downtown Dallas on a Saturday morning is not teeming with life. The Arts District off of Pearl Street is just waking up and we easily find a meter to plunk in a few quarters. It is silly to pay the full day parking lot rate, when we plan to browse and then bolt for lunch.

There are some families and students waiting for the doors to open and we join the group to pay the ten dollars admission fee. We find our name on the docent tour list and end up with a private tour. Now, the docent tour was a bit of a bonus. My friend had won a silent auction bid a year ago and the tour was expiring. Even with a month's notice, friends and family were too busy to join in the festivities. Hence, it was the two of us. The docent tours can be arranged privately or there is a free public tour at two o'clock daily.

The tour is a pleasant surprise and gives us a new perspective of the museum. Rather than a seemingly random hodge-podge of art, there is a flow to the building and the docent guides us to a starting point upstairs. As we walk up the steps we enjoy the glass sculpture in the window of the art café. Flowers or sea creature creations, the bright glass glistens and allows the imagination to wander. An added bonus from the second floor is a view into the Nasher Sculpture Center next door. This is a year old cultural coup for the city of Dallas. Raymond Nasher donated his collection to the city, as well as actively participating in the building and presentation of his sculptures. The Nasher Center is a possible side trip depending on your art ambition for a day.

Our docent begins in the early American galleries and proceeds to stop and discuss various favorites and newly acquired pieces. As we proceed, we get a mixture of opinion, art history, and technique. With a different view and some lively discussion, we enjoy our stroll through the Dallas art galleries. We sit in front of Frederick Church's The Iceberg to rest our feet. The Dallas Museum of Art has a wide-ranging collection from American to African art, from classical to modern. A few hours here can enlighten young minds or invigorate the old. Constantly changing and rearranging the art on the walls, the museum wants you to return to see old favorites in new settings or to enjoy new works. It is easy to take the museum for granted, but an occasional visit is refreshing.

After two hours, we thank our guide and proceed to lunch. A short drive from the arts district, McKinney Avenue offers a variety of funky stores, trendy clubs, and fabulous eateries. We head to Cretia's on McKinney , a bistro and bakery. At one in the afternoon it has a decent crowd, and with the gorgeous weather, the patio seating is full of patrons. The menu does not disappoint with choice of lunch or weekend brunch items. We chose the chicken croissant sandwich and the hot roast beef sandwich. The lunches come with salad choices, fries, or fruits. Save room for dessert because the bakery section of this establishment is wonderful. We savored carrot cake with real cream cheese frosting and a red velvet cheesecake that was melt- in- the mouth delicious. Cretia's proves to be an enjoyable reward for our dose of art culture.

To burn off a few calories, we finish the afternoon with a stroll up McKinney to the Knox shopping area. Unique specialty shops and popular stores such as Pottery Barn and Crate and Barrel line the streets. Shop, people watch, or plan the next outing complete with a restaurant choice on McKinney. This is one little section of Dallas and the Dallas Museum of Art is only one of many museums to see. Take the time to enjoy some art and lunch.

Dallas Museum of Art Arts District
Cretia's 4438 McKinney Ave Dallas Texas 75205

Art Box: A Great Way to Get Creative with Children

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You've had it! If you hear, "I'm bored. What can I do? There's nothing to do!" or one more whine you'll surely put your head in the dryer and slam the door shut! Keeping kids occupied challenges the most stalwart of adults. Let's face it; we're no match for the leprechaun like stealth of the half-pint human who exhibits no shame while in pursuit of getting what they want. In this case, the want is something to do! Take a deep breath and grab the art box. Aren't you glad you planned for just this kind of rainy, I'm bored day?

The art box is alive with fun projects for little fingers and minds. The key to creating this mother's little helper is to keep it fresh and growing. First you'll need a box. Find a fascinating box, either plastic, heavy cardboard, or a Rubbermaid container. Make sure it's colorful, big and fun. After all, this is a special box, not you're ordinary run of the mill type of box filled with just paper and crayons. The art box I pulled together is a plastic one in primary colors of red, blue and yellow with a snap on lid and a carrying handle. It cost about $5.00 at a big box store.

Once you've found the perfect box you can begin filling it. There's no need to fill it all at once. The idea is to start with the basics: construction paper in lots of colors, crayons, markers, scissors, glue, and a sketchpad. These items can be varied depending on the age of the child. Washable markers are a good idea for the younger set along with small, scissors with rounded ends. Add to the box periodically so when it's opened there's something new inside. Play dough makes a great addition. Forget the molds and the fancy tools. Let the children just use their hands and imagination to create whimsical masterpieces. Toss in stickers from time to time, especially for upcoming holidays. Paints of all kinds can be added. Start with watercolors. Move on to tempra for the older kids, but always have finger paints for the little ones. Sidewalk chalk is a big hit in the summer and in the winter it can be used on large newspaper print. You can usually get the end rolls free or for a nominal fee from newspaper publishers.

Think out of the "box" when coming up with new ideas. Collect little treasures when out walking. Botanicals like small pinecones, straw flowers, dried grasses or try your hand at pressing flowers with your wee ones. These can be glued on to paper to make wonderful nature pictures. Tiny shells and sea glass collected from a trip to the beach will surprise and delight when the box is opened. Glitter, pieces of fabric in bright colors, ribbons and rickrack all get the creative juices flowing. At some point you'll want to add colored pencils, stencils, and a handy dandy ruler. A compass or protractor for the older children will acquaint them with these items as well as aid in the artful creativity that makes children everywhere smile. (At least for a while.)

Keep a look out for unusual items that you can add to the art box. Purchase various colors of tissue paper for paper flowers and roses or to be used in whatever way your child comes up with. Petal paper is a very special paper that is made with bits and pieces of flower petals, grasses and other gifts from nature. It's a bit pricey, but what a treat for the older children.

The more fascinating the items the children find in the box, the more special it becomes. Look around your home. You'll find items that make for interesting art projects like: cotton balls, colorful pastas, sponges, buttons of every size and hue, dryer lint (?) I was just kidding on that one. Keep a good supply of stickers of all kinds on hand to add when nothing else is available

The true key to the "special" box is to have little surprises inside that were not there the last time it was brought down from it's safe spot. This is not the everyday color jar filled with broken bits of crayons; this box is brought out when things become really dire. It's a "special" art box. The special box is only used at the table or easel. No preschoolers are allowed to take one item from the box and walk around with it. Again, the idea is to make it so special that it brings excitement and smiles to the faces of the bored and fretting. It's worked for me and I'm sure it will work for you as well. So get crackin' you never know when the clouds might appear on the horizon or your child's face. As adults, we seriously need all the help we can get. The special art box will give you a moment or if you're lucky, two or three to take a deep cleansing breath. Just look at their cherubic faces. "NOOO don't paint the cat!!!"

Learning Baby Sign Language

baby clothes onsies

Babies learn language in a progressive way. First, they learn to distinguish sounds from each other, and notice familiar syllables and patterns. They also have a sense for tone, which conveys emotion. They see facial expressions and begin to assign them meaning, as well.

For example, a rather high-pitched repetition of their name with a smile can be recognized early on by very young infants. Babies learn to understand language before they have the ability to articulate the words themselves. They can learn to follow simple directions, recognize key words like "more," and "no", as well as "eat" and their names as young as 4-5 months of age.

The key to helping the baby to bridge the gap between being able to understand and being able to communicate needs, wants, and even what they are thinking and feeling. There is a way to do this. It's called "Baby Signs." Baby signs are a helpful tool which reinforce a baby's language development. They are something that can help with parenting, and decrease a baby's frustration (not to mention the parents')!

The way baby signs works is that you take a simple word that you say often, such as "more" or "eat" and attach a simple gesture to the word. Maybe it would be pointing to your mouth. Just do the gesture whenever you say the word. Speak directly to the baby, talk just the way you do normally - usually enthusiastically and with great eye contact and some repetition, and do the gesture too. If you start doing this when the baby is 6-7 months old, chances are that when he is 8-10 months old, he will be using the gestures himself to communicate the idea to you.

The earlier babies learn that gestures can be used to communicate as well as words, the earlier the baby can develop language connections is his brain. These connections give him a head start into the world of communication, and will lead to speech as soon as he is able. 

In the meantime, the baby sign gestures will allow you and your baby to communicate with each other before the baby can talk. Use of these baby signs will greatly reduce the frustration of not knowing what the baby wants.

Baby signing is a great technique for parenting and language development in babies of a very young age.